Personal Development

We don’t want the same things (and that’s ok)

I don’t want what you want.

Assumptions
Why do some people insist on pushing their own life goals or values on others? Why do they make assumptions about you and your life goals based on your gender, education level, race, geographic location, and other demographics? These are questions I’ve been pondering quite a bit lately.

Here’s an example: As a married woman in my mid-20s who has been married for three years, I must… want kids. Right?

Wrong. Well, not yet, anyway.

But that doesn’t stop people from making the assumption (and telling me all about it).

Here’s the kicker: Even after I tell them I don’t want kids right now, they continue to push. They think I’m hiding something. They think I secretly do want kids. They think I’m lying. After all, what almost-27-year-old married woman doesn’t want kids?

The “baby” thing is just one example (one that’s often top of mind for me). Other common life goal assumptions:

-         You must want to get married.

-         You must want a good (or better) job.

-         You must want to own a house.

-         You must want to stay at home with your kids.

-         You must want to go be religious.

-         You must want to grow up.

Why won’t you just be like me?
People force their assumptions on others because they believe that:

(a) they are right

(b) you are just like them

(c) if you’re not just like then, you should be

(d) there’s just no other way to be

(e) a combination of the above

(f) all of the above

I certainly don’t think this is always conscious. Hardly anyone thinks, “Gosh, the world sure would be better if everyone were just like me and wanted the same things I want.” (At least I hope not.)

However, I do think we can identify when we make these assumptions and realize that it’s ok if people want different things. I had to do this when I realized that not every young woman in her 20s wants to eventually be CEO. Just like not every young woman wants to have kids or wants to get married or wants to be an entrepreneur.

Different people, different goals
It seems silly that people assume that everyone wants what they want. Why would they? We’re different people. With different values. Different experiences. Different goals.

So, why then do people insist on putting you in their category, pushing their goals on you? Why aren’t you married yet? Why don’t you have a better job? Why didn’t you go to law school?

Really, that’s pretty absurd.

Bottom Line
Not everyone wants to go to college, to be rich, to travel the world, to own a big house, to land a book deal, to start a blog, to play in the major leagues, to be movie star, to have a dog, to go out on Friday night.

And, that’s ok.

© 2008 Girl Meets Business.