Personal Development

Jealousy, backstabbing, and gossip— Oh my!

This weekend I overheard the following conversation:

Woman #1: I didn’t like her from the moment I saw her.

Woman #2: I know what you mean. I read an article yesterday and someone from her high school said she was “shallow.”

Guess who they were talking about?

Sarah Palin.

That’s right. That’s how these two women were talking “politics.” Not about pertinent issues, like Iraq, the economy, even reproductive rights. No, instead, they were focused on second-hand decades-old gossip and looks.

This post isn’t about politics. Regardless of your political views, the above conversation is pretty appalling. And, it got me thinking: Why would these women be so quick to jump on irrelevant issues, when there are so many relevant issues that could be discussed?

That’s when I remembered a book I bought at the YMCA book fair for $1 (I don’t get a lot of deals, so I had to throw that in there) called Tripping the Prom Queen by Susan Shapiro Brash.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but what I have read has been both mind-blowing and gut-wrenching . Mind-blowing in the fact that I can’t even believe some of the things these women say about other women and their experiences (husband stealing? really?). Gut-wrenching because I (unfortunately) can relate to some of these thoughts and experiences.

Here are just a few of the many, many examples (emphasis mine) of  female rivalry:

• “I’ll go out at night with my friends who have high-powered jobs, and then everyone is envious of the person who makes the most and has the best title.”
• “My mother taught me to never trust another woman. She was not close with her own sisters and had no women friends.”
• “When I was in grade school I felt jealous of my friends, one in particular. She was prettier and she came from a better family.”
• “I saw that she had some weaknesses, and I played them up at once. I told my boss, who wanted a woman in this job so that it would be politically correct, that she not the right person. I did this even though it wasn’t the truth.”

The book’s countless examples of envy, greed, jealousy, backstabbing, and cutthroat behavior make it seem like we women need to live everyday in extreme fear of getting “tripped” by other women.

While I don’t think this is the case, I do think we need to watch how we react to the success of other women. I do think we should support other women (this doesn’t mean voting for them just because their women). I do think we have an obligation to look beyond high school cattiness and shallow observations  (and possibly our own insecurities) and get to the real issues.

As for the women I overheard this weekend: In their defense, I didn’t stick around the hear the rest of the conversation. Perhaps their conversation was perfectly innocent. I certainly don’t think they meant any harm or where necessarily “jealous” of Gov. Palin. Regardless, this post isn’t about them and it certainly isn’t about Sarah Palin. It’s about the unprecedented power of women and our decision to use that to use that power to tear each other down or bring each other up.

Gen Y women, how will you use that power?